NAME: KAJUJU EMILY STAGE NAME: EMMIE THE POET INSTITUTION : STUDENT HOOD: KILIFI TITLE OF PIECE: FAKE FRIEND You took me high, just to watch me tumble down, Fake friends lied of your goodness, I felt on top of the world, Thought my problems were solved. Why didnt I see the truth, You’re just but […]Youth Poetry Contest:Winning Pieces. NO2-FAKE FRIEND — Stowelink Inc
In the days and moments when you begin to realise you need a friend either as a teenager just been introduced to the world around you or in your twenties, thirties to forties or even over fifties you know deeply in your heart that if only you could have a friend.
Amazingly the thought of ” my friend ” does bring certain relief to the heart even a smile to the face. It does wonders for your mind and soul. Do you know that sometimes medical psychologist do make prescriptions of a friend or two depending on what your disgnosis is.
Hmmm ” My Friend ” a satisfying feeling to the soul, they come in various shapes and sizes, and of course in different packaging at different geographical locations, and most existingly in all races.
At different times in my life I do scroll through my contact list looking for my friend, don’t get me wrong I do have friends but each moment calls for a momentous friend and as you scroll down your contact list passing many friends some you spoke to yesterday, some it’s been a while, yet you keep scrolling until your face finally light up, your breath suddenly seize and released in a second even your lips couldn’t resist a slight gasp ” My Friend ” as you dial the number.
You can hardly find a friend for all moments, but you can have or be a momentous friends.
4 Reasons to Make Friends Online
Social networking platforms have changed the way people used to interact with each other. Earlier there had to be face to face interaction between people to be friends but now things have changed. You can easily make friends online at any time on any continent with any race isn’t that fascinating, and it is simple to make friends too.
I also found out that more and more people are making friends online now, what 1is the reason? Let’s explore that.
Am not that social
There is various kind of personalities and while some people can be the centre of attraction at any place there are few who are introverts. I use to have a friend who could make friends while ‘sleeping’, that’s how easy it is for her.
Being an introvert does not stop you from wanting to make friends, just that you cannot go straight and be friendly. By making friends online you can be behind the screen and still find people who share similar interest as you. Doing this improves your confidence and boosts your morale.
Do not have to think too much
When you are going to meet friends you do think of a lot of things, starting from how to dress to how to behave. While if you make friends online they will only be chatting with you. Before you say something they will not be able to see your face thus you can think and answer. You can decide about the different people with whom you want to continue the friendship.
Easy to find people with a common interest
When you meet a person face to face you don’t know whether that person shares the same interest as you or otherwise. You do not know, but when you make friends online you can know about their interest before you send them a friend request. If you follow their profile you can know about almost every detail that the person has shared. This makes it easier to interact with those people who have a common interest.
Moreover, there are apps like Flickr where photographers upload their clicks. If you have the same interest you can find many others with the same hobby or profession.
You can share only as much as you want
Online friends cannot peep into your personal life if you do not allow them. They will be able to know only what you have shared.
If you do not want to let other people know about any particular thing or area of your life just don’t that part. It’s your secret.
Friends in need are friends indeed. This saying has been around forever. We all know that every single person we hang out with is not a true friend. But, sometimes it can get very tricky when you yourself are not sure whom you consider as your friend. Well, if you are wondering how to understand if someone is your friend, there are certain signs that should tell who your friend is:
Is This Friendship for a Specific Reason?
If the answer to this question is yes, you have to think again! According to many, people don’t like to waste time with their friends anymore. They just want to maximize the efficiency of the relationships. If you only spend time with someone because he or she is your colleague, lab partner or classmate – maybe it’s time to rethink. Be with someone who can turn the time you spent into precious memories.
Can You Be Vulnerable With This Person?
Sharing is caring and when it comes to human beings, we only share with people we care about. If you like someone, only then you are going to disclose something to that person. If you confide into someone, you most probably like that person. After all, we don’t share secrets with people whom we consider acquaintances.
Did You Overcome Challenges?
High-quality connections can be stretched to a big extent, so thereby tensility of a relationship determines the quality of it. If your friendship is flexible to accommodate changes, it is supposed to stay. If you move out of your state, people you care about will still be in touch with you through phone calls, FaceTime or Skype. On the other hand, weak friendships will fizzle out citing the distance to be the reason.
How Emotional Do You Get When You Are Around That Person?
If you cannot disclose your true feeling around a person, he or she might not be a friend at all. Many psychologists believe that emotional carrying capacity determines how much worth a particular friendship is. The more it is, the better.
Emotional carrying capacity is related to both the amount of emotion expressed and the range of it as well. If you can be completely honest with someone without any hesitation, you probably consider
Activity and Creativity Are Two Important Aspects of a Friendship
The degree of connectivity is another important factor in determining the depth of a friendship. If you are influenced in a relationship or are able to influence the other person in that relationship, it is probably worth it. Not only is that a relationship which is open to new ideas is more prone to work well.
Many often it has been seen that good friends share creative ideas between themselves and start to act on the same. Some friendships don’t inspire us in anyway and probably, they are not worth it.
We choose our friends, unlike our parents or relatives. We can do something about a friendship, so choose your friends wisely. They will help you make precious memories and more importantly, help you become a better person.
Making Good Friends
Tips for Meeting People and Making Meaningful Connections
Friendships have a huge impact on your health and happiness. Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, prevent loneliness and isolation, and even strengthen your physical health. But close friendships don’t just happen. Many of us struggle to meet people and develop quality connections. Whatever your age or circumstances, though, it’s never too late to make new friends, reconnect with old ones, and greatly improve your social life, emotional health, and overall well-being.
Why are friends so important?
Our society tends to place an emphasis on romantic relationships. We think that if we can just find that right person, we’ll be happy and fulfilled. But research shows that friends are actually even more important to our psychological welfare. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else.
Developing close friendships can also have a powerful impact on your physical health. Lack of social connection can be as damaging as smoking, drinking too much, or leading a sedentary lifestyle. Friends are even tied to longevity. A recent Swedish study found that, along with physical activity, maintaining a rich network of friends can add significant years to your life.
The benefits of friendships
While developing and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, good friends can:
Improve your mood. Spending time with happy and positive friends can elevate your mood and boost your outlook.
Help you to reach your goals. Whether you’re trying to get fit, give up smoking, or otherwise improve your life, encouragement from a friend can really boost your willpower and increase your chances of success.
Reduce your stress and depression. Having an active social life can bolster your immune system and help reduce isolation, a major contributing factor to depression.
Support you through tough times. Even if it’s just having someone to share your problems with, friends can help you cope with serious illness, the loss of a job or loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or any other challenges in life.
Support you as you age. As you age, retirement, illness, and the death of loved ones can often leave you isolated. Having people you can turn to for company and support can provide purpose as you age and serve as a buffer against depression, disability, hardship and loss.
Boost your self-worth. Friendship is a two-way street, and the “give” side of the give-and-take contributes to your own sense of self-worth. Being there for your friends makes you feel needed and adds purpose to your life.
Know what to look for in a friend
A friend is someone you trust and with whom you share a deep level of understanding and communication. A good friend will:
- Show a genuine interest in what’s going on in your life, what you have to say, and how you think and feel about things.
- Accept you for who you are
- Listen to you attentively without judging you, telling you how to think or feel, or trying to change the subject.
- Feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with you
As friendship works both ways, a friend is also someone you feel comfortable supporting and accepting, and someone with whom you share a bond of trust and loyalty.
Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like
The most important quality in a friendship is the way the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on paper, how many things you have in common, or what others think. Ask yourself:
- Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
- Am I myself around this person?
- Do I feel secure, or do I feel like I have to watch what I say and do?
- Is the person supportive and treat me with respect?
- Is this a person I can trust?
The bottom line: if the friendship feels good, it is good. But if a person tries to control you, criticizes you, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted drama or negative influences into your life, it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship. A good friend does not require you to compromise your values, always agree with them, or disregard your own needs.
Tips for being more friendly and social (even if you’re shy)
If you are introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there socially. But you don’t have to be naturally outgoing or the life of the party to make new friends.
Focus on others, not yourself. The key to connecting to other people is by showing interest in them. When you’re truly interested in someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll make far more friends by showing your interest rather than trying to get people interested in you. If you’re not genuinely interested in the other person, then stop trying to connect.
Pay attention. Switch off your smart phone, avoid other distractions, and make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.
Self-disclosure: the key to turning acquaintances into friends
We all have acquaintances—people we exchange small talk with as we go about our day or trade jokes or insights with online. These relationships can be fulfilling in their own right, but what if you want to turn a casual acquaintance into a true friend?
Friendship is characterized by intimacy. True friends know things about each other: their values, struggles, goals, and interests. If you’d like to transition from acquaintances to friends, open up to the other person.
You don’t have to reveal your most closely-held secret. Start small with something a little bit more personal than normal and see how the other person responds. Do they seem interested? Do they reciprocate by disclosing something about themselves?
Friendship takes two, so it’s important to evaluate whether the other person is looking for new friends.
- Do they ask you questions about you, as if they’d like to get to know you better?
- Do they tell you things about themselves beyond surface small talk?
- Do they give you their full attention when you see them?
- Does the other person seem interested in exchanging contact information or making specific plans to get together?
If you can’t answer “yes” to these questions, the person may not be the best candidate for friendship now, even if they genuinely like you. There are many possible reasons, so don’t take it personally!
How to meet new people
We tend to make friends with people we cross paths with regularly: people we go to school with, work with, or live close to. The more we see someone, the more likely the chance is of a friendship developing. So look at the places you frequent as you start your search for potential friends.
Another big factor in friendship is common interests. We tend to be drawn to people we share things with: a hobby, the same cultural background, a shared career path, kids the same age. Think about activities you enjoy or the causes you care about. Where can you meet people who share the same interests?
Making new friends: Where to start
When looking to meet new people, try to open yourself up to new experiences. Not everything you try will lead to success but you can always learn from the experience and hopefully have some fun.
Volunteering can be a great way to help others while also meeting new people. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills.
Take a class or join a club to meet people with common interests, such as a book group, dinner club, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can help you find local groups or start your own and connect with others who share similar interests.
Walk a dog. Dog owners often stop and chat while their dogs sniff or play with each other. If dog ownership isn’t right for you, volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter or a local rescue group.
Attend art gallery openings, book readings, lectures, music recitals, or other community events where you can meet people with similar interests. Check with your library or local paper for events near you.
Behave like someone new to the area. Even if you’ve lived in the same place all your life, take the time to re-explore your neighborhood attractions. New arrivals to any town or city tend to visit these places first—and they’re often keen to meet new people and establish friendships, too.
Cheer on your team. Going to a bar alone can be intimidating, but if you support a sports team, find where other fans go to watch the games. You automatically have a shared interest—your team—so it can be easy to start up a conversation.
Unplug. It’s difficult to meet new people in any social situation if you’re more interested in your phone than the people around you. Remove your headphones and put your smartphone away while you’re in the checkout line or waiting for a bus, for example. Making eye contact and exchanging small talk with strangers is great practice for making connections—and you never know where it may lead!
Tips for strengthening acquaintances
Invite a neighbor or work colleague out for a drink or to a movie. Lots of other people feel just as uncomfortable about reaching out and making new friends as you do. Be the one to break the ice. Your neighbor or colleague will thank you later.
Connect with your alumni association. Many colleges have alumni associations that meet regularly. You already have the college experience in common; talking about old times can be an easy conversation starter. Some associations also sponsor community service events or workshops where you can meet more people.
Track down old friends via social media sites. Make the effort to reconnect and then turn your “online” friends into “real-world” friends by meeting up for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter.
Carpool to work. Many companies offer carpool programs. If your employer doesn’t, simply ask your colleagues if they would like to share rides. It’s a good conversation starter and will help you connect with people who live near you.
Overcoming obstacles to making friends
Is something stopping you from building the friendships you’d like to have? Here are some common obstacles—and how you can overcome them.
If you’re too busy…
Developing and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, but even with a packed schedule, you can find ways to make the time for friends.
Put it on your calendar. Schedule time for your friends just as you would for errands. Make it automatic with a weekly or monthly standing appointment. Or simply make sure that you never leave a get-together without setting the next date.
Mix business and pleasure. Figure out a way to combine your socializing with activities that you have to do anyway. It could be going to the gym, getting a pedicure, or shopping. It’s an easy way to spend time together while still being productive.
Group it. If you truly don’t have time for multiple one-on-one sessions with friends, set up a group get-together. It’s a good way to introduce your friends to each other. Of course, you’ll need to make sure everyone’s compatible.
If you’re afraid of rejection…
Making new friends means putting yourself out there, and that can be scary. It’s especially intimidating if you’re someone who’s been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond. But by working with the right therapist, you can explore ways to build trust in existing and future friendships.
For more general insecurities or a fear of rejection, it helps to evaluate your attitude. Do you feel as if any rejection will haunt you forever or prove that you’re unlikeable or destined to be friendless? These fears get in the way of making satisfying connections and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody likes to be rejected, but there are healthier ways to look at it:
- Just because someone isn’t interested in talking or hanging out doesn’t automatically mean they’re rejecting you as a person. They may be busy, distracted, or have other things going on.
- If someone does reject you, that doesn’t mean that you’re worthless or unlovable. Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they misread you or misinterpreted what you said. Or maybe they’re just not a nice person!
- You’re not going to like everyone you meet, and vice versa. Like dating, building a solid network of friends can be a numbers game. If you’re in the habit of regularly exchanging a few words with strangers you meet, any rejections are less likely to hurt. There’s always the next person. Focus on the long-term goal of making quality connections, rather than getting hung up on any connections that didn’t pan out.
- Keep rejection in perspective. It never feels good, but it’s rarely as bad as you imagine it will be. It’s unlikely that others are sitting around talking about it. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself credit for trying and see what you can learn from the experience.
For better friendships, be a better friend yourself
Making a new friend is just the beginning of the journey. Friendships take time to form and even more time to deepen, so you need to nurture that new connection.
Be the friend that you would like to have. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.
Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen and support friends just as you want them to listen and support you.
Give your friend space. Don’t be too clingy or needy. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.
Don’t set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You’re both unique individuals so your friendship probably won’t develop exactly as you expect.
Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there’s a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond between you.
Help for making friends
The health benefits of strong relationships – How good connections can improve health and increase longevity. (Harvard Health Publications)
Making and Keeping Friends: A Self-Help Guide (PDF) – Making new friends, setting healthy boundaries, and keeping friendships strong. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health – How to boost your health with healthy friendships. (Mayo Clinic)
College Life and New Friends – How to build new friendships. (NDSU)
The Main Tasks for Creating a Social Life – A guide to building a healthy social life. (SucceedSocially.com)
Friends – Collection of articles about finding friends and building friendships. (Psychology Today)
Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Greg Boose, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: October 2018.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
Six Benefits of Healthy Friendships
As human beings, we become so busy with our jobs, family, household chores, daily activities that we often neglect one of the most important aspects of life; friendships, the relationships that develop over time that hold a very special place in our heart and that society continues to ignore. Friends are family members that we choose to allow and keep in our lives. From our first childhood friend to those lifelong friends we have known for decades; friends are treasures that can bring so much positivity into our lives but yet we often become too busy and neglect these important people. I am guilty of this as well!
The philosopher Aristotle said, “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.” Growing up, my mother always used to tell me “your friends are a reflection of you”. I did not quite understand this until I started meeting individuals who kept, not so healthy friends in their lives and suddenly, as a young teenager, I learned to understand that the friends I keep in my life reflect who I am and desire to be as a person and therefore I have learned to choose my friends wisely over the years. I do not care about the superficial attributes such as looks, money, success or status but rather I emulate those who bring laughter, joy, honesty and who can be there for me and also give me a firm kick in the butt when I need it. I always find it intriguing to meet friends of people I know because I can really get a sense of that person by the company they choose to keep in their life.
Friends are there to lift you up in joy and comfort you in sorrow
Good friends can be and will be your backbone. Whether you are celebrating a great life event they will show up with a bottle of wine, or two, and celebrate with you. If you are going through a rough patch in life, they are there to listen, give you advice and try to get you out of that slump. True friends show up, no matter what. True friends do not make excuses, do not flake on you and do not bring you down.
Friends help you develop social skills
I am a true introvert. I love people, but only in small doses. When someone invites me to a party or to a wedding, I cringe on the inside because I know I will have to be around a lot of people, which gives me anxiety. However, my friends definitely push me out of my comfort zone and always get me into social gatherings. From childhood, friends are there to invite you to birthday parties, have play dates and as we get older we grab drinks and dinners with our cherished friends to catch up on the week or the past month. Life is so much better socializing with friends and getting out to experience new places and meet new people.
True friends will give you a reality check
We have all been there and we all have that friend; that instance where he or she is being completely inappropriate whether they are throwing a fit, copping an attitude or just being downright rude and nasty. We as friends need to give each other a reality check. It could be the ridiculous outfit we are wearing or the boyfriend cheating on us. True friends bring the harsh truth in front of us. It is always important to be honest with our friends however it is just as important to approach these touchy issues with kindness and to address these matters in the appropriate setting and time, ideally behind closed doors. The beauty of true friends is they will tell you like it is, but from a good place in their heart.
Friendships at a young age can help you develop healthy romantic relationships
Having friends early in childhood and throughout your teenage years can help you learn how to compromise in relationships, which fights to go to battle and how to communicate. Friendships are very similar to romantic relationships (without the sex) and healthy friendships can allow you to develop boundaries and skills that can help you navigate successful and healthy romantic relationships in the future,
Couple friendships can help your own relationship
We all have that friend, he or she becomes romantically involved and POOF, off they disappear. Some couples withdraw from their friendships when their relationship turns serious. This can be hurtful in many ways but instead of waiting for that friend to reappear, try to get to know their significant other. Go on double dates, ask to hang out with your friend and his or her partner, make an effort to get to know this important person. This can mean the world to your friend and by embracing couple friendships; you can go through life transitions together such as engagements, marriage and raising children.
Friends can improve our health and longevity
Studies have shown that older people with friends are more likely to live a healthier happier life than those who do not have many close friends. Older people without close friends are more likely to develop chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and depression than their counterparts. Although family members are usually the caretakers to the elderly, they often do so out of obligation whereas lifelong friends provide endless joy with no strings attached.
Go on, get out there and rekindle old friendships, strengthen weakened friendships and develop new friendships. We are living on borrowed time and we will not be remembered for what we did in life but rather whom we touched throughout our journey in life.